Well I'm back again after a couple of months. Wow lots of things have happened, we're in 2010 now, and I'm feeling a bit more hopeful these days. The last year was one of coming to terms with where my life had been for so long, and realizing how unhappy and unsatisfied I've been. I began the process of changing that, looked at the possibility of school, but my hang ups have been well... a few things. One thing I'll talk about right now is- I'm tired of continually being in debt, and as good as a particular school program might be (I was looking at a masters in counseling at a seminary), I'm not at ease with going into about $30,000 more in debt, especially when I'm 32 and would like to be married and have a family. I'm not necessarily trying to put a restriction on my life and say it has to happen this instant, but I'm gradually getting a little older and haven't made much progress in that area. I spent years during and after college trying to be a christian rock star (sad and funny now when I look back on that). I think it was ok to try the full-time music thing out, but maybe giving myself a certain timeline to make something happen would have been a little wiser, like 2 years or so, with a plan to move in a different direction if that didn't quite pan out. Some will say that's not being faithful or trusting God, and my reply to that is that you're probably a 21 year old musician who needs to live a little longer and get a little more wisdom from some older people, and from scripture as well.
Well after about 3-4 years of doing that, I left the music thing (sort of, as my "career") but didn't have any direction after that. I woke up one day, was about 28 and still living in a house with a bunch of guys, and not a whole lot of maturity or confidence in myself, and much less decisive. In fact that indecisiveness has plagued me for sometime, and only recently have I "decided" to change that. My friend Casey sent me a book to read call "Just Do Something" by Kevin DeYoung, and I read it all in a day. I might talk more about it in another post, but it's really good. I highly recommend it, especially if you're a single 20 or 30-something guy in a similar circumstance. I haven't ruled out the school idea down the road, just need a different plan to do it that includes being responsible. I also need to learn to just commit to something, since that's been such a difficult thing for me to do in the past- maybe not in every area, but in most areas to a large degree, and that's mostly why my life is where it is now. I don't expect everyone to understand and that's ok, some even might think I'm a little crazy but I just hope that my life will speak something different. I simply won't allow myself to be the same indecisive, directionless person anymore.
