It's been several months since my last post, and I certainly am in a better place than I was several months back, but still have my questions and struggles. I had a difficult time as I got out of bed this morning and got ready for work, that depressed feeling began to set back in, and I tried to figure out why that was happening again. I'm convinced that it largely has to do with knowing that I'm waking up and doing the same thing over again, living the same day again, with a few different twists, but basically knowing it will mostly likely be just like yesterday was, and last week, last month, and being very unhappy with it all. As much as I'm trying to be more positive and hopeful in my thinking, it's just hard to get out of bed when you feel you don't have much to look forward to that day- I'm not trying to stay on the negative here, but this morning was just a hard one for me... those days happen. Will moving to a different town or state help with that? Will a new career? Maybe it won't solve every problem, but I'm convinced there needs to be a very drastic change, and soon.
I don't remember who said it, but the saying went something like this, "the problem with moving somewhere- is that you take you with you." True, but in getting to the root of how I feel, I'm convinced that my current circumstances lead me to feel very unhappy- life honestly doesn't seem to have much meaning right now, and staying in that place is no longer an option for me. I'm amazed by how comfortable some of us get with being miserable... actually I think it's fear that keeps us there, fear of the unknown, fear of not succeeding on a new journey, but without the risk of failure there's no real reward for trying something new, no chance of succeeding in some way. I just recently read Donald Miller's "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years" and feel like, as he would probably put it, one story of my life has ended, and I'm not sure how to start the next one. It's like I'm postponing the next story for some reason, or I keep writing and re-writing the last page of the current chapter over and over, afraid to end it and start writing a new one.
So the big question, "do I stick around Houston or do I move?", that's what I'm trying to decide. If I take off to Colorado and start that story, will I find a job? And not just a job but eventually a satisfying vocation, maybe even a "calling", to get churchy about it? Will I run out of money? (I don't have much to begin with) Will things work out? What about getting married, having a family? I don't really know how it all will work out or how long it will take, to tell you the truth. Can things work if I stay in The Woodlands? Sure, I think they can to an extent, but every time I think about the prospect of staying here, I always end up feeling very down. I don't know if there's some hidden thing that's causing it, some deep-seeded issue I haven't dealt with, or if it's just that I really should just a get out of here, and soon. I think sometimes in life you may have a couple of different options in front of you, and God wants you to pray about it, talk with others about it, and make a decision in faith. One thing I know- I need a change and it has to happen sooner than later.
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